Thursday, 2 August 2012
This is Isla. She is one month old today. I look at her and feel such a wealth of emotions. How can I best look after her? When will she go to sleep? Do we have enough time to save for her university education? How did I get to be so lucky to be blessed with a third daughter? She is also my little bundle of inspiration. When I look at her I wonder will she be proud of her Mummy? What lessons will she learn from me? Not just the things I will explicitly teach her, how to say the alphabet, how to bake muffins, the words to many songs, but the other things I will teach her just by example and without me always being conscious of them. She will learn from me how to cope with stressful situations, how to behave towards people, strangers, friends and our loved ones, she will also learn from me how to live our lives. What is it I would like her to learn then? What should I be modelling for her to absorb from me over the years?
I would like her to learn that family life is sacred and that we are lucky to have each other. That it is important to take care of our bodies and minds, to eat nourishing food and to read nourishing books, these things are important to me. I would like her to learn that as she grows up she will be on a journey towards discovering who she really is, as I still am and will be until the day I die. I wish for Isla to learn from her Mummy that it is our job, our duty, to continue on this path of self-discovery, to dedicate our lives to it. If we are being our true, authentic selves, then we can be the best parent, sibling, spouse to each other. We can do a great job of being all these things. And so, 'to practice what I preach', I return to writing, for myself, with no expectations, no pressure, just to writing because when I slow down and listen it is something that emerges from within me and to not listen to this inner voice wishing to be expressed is 'inauthentic'. My Isla is so beautiful, so little and vulnerable and she makes me want to be a better Mummy, a Mummy who is true to herself and carves out ten minutes of this day so that I can return to my 'motherly duties' of changing nappies, feeding and starting her off with those songs I want her to learn.