Something to think about ...

"Ask the river: 'Do you feel useful, given all that you do is to keep flowing in the same direction?

And the river will answer: 'I'm not trying to be useful. I'm trying to be a river.'

Don't try to be useful.  Try to be yourself: that is enough."

('Manuscript found in Accra', Paulo Coelho)

Greening up

"You are not separate from the whole.
 You are one with the sun, the earth, the air.
 You don't have a life.
 You are life."  
('Guardians of Being', Eckhart Tolle)

It comes with the territory.  When you try to be mindful it becomes obvious that living mindfully means to live lightly upon the earth.  In harming our world we are only harming ourselves and our children and their children.

I have always been very interested in environmental issues, though I'm not so great at taking the relevant action.  Lately, I think I appreciate the need to 'green up' our lives due to my interest in mindfulness.  How can I be still, be quiet, be present and not hear the voice of nature asking me to be gentle with her as I try to be gentle with myself, my husband, my children, my friends?  It's just so obvious that it is the right thing to do. 

There is so much that can be done in order to protect our environment that it simply overwhelms me sometimes.  As with all things, little baby steps can help.  Making sure I take my shopping bags to the shops, trying to make fewer car journeys, making cloth hankies instead of buying disposables.  Little things I know but important nonetheless.  I am also always aware of the example I am setting for my children, they should see their Mummy doing all that she can to safeguard their future.

Some much-needed inspiration recently came from Bea Johnson's book, 'Zero Waste Home' and her excellent blog http://zerowastehome.blogspot.co.uk/ We are far from being a 'zero waste home', but this woman is such an inspiration I'm certainly much more aware of the waste we produce and the things we buy.

So, I'm reading, I'm learning, I'm reflecting.  I'm trying to go about my day in mindfulness so that my actions and my purchases do the least harm to the environment.  I have such a long way to go, but I believe in it and I want to do it in any small way I can.  

Mindfulness in the everyday

Mindfulness in the everyday, this is what I'm interested in. Always on the hunt for inspiration I recently watched this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOK8IjP6MQ4&feature=c4-overview&list=UUcv7KJIAsiddB2YRegvrF7g It's the highly inspiring Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, at the Plum village monastery in France giving a talk about mindfulness.  In it he discusses 'mindful walking and breathing' and 'mindful eating'.  He goes in to great detail about how to conduct such activities with mindfulness and thus bring more joy and contentment in to one's life.

It occurs to me, as I go about my daily tasks, can't all of my tasks be undertaken in mindfulness should I choose?  Today, for example, there was 'mindful drinking of tea'.  It tasted so good and was so warming on a cool September morning.  There was 'mindful washing of dishes'.  'Mindful driving'. 'Mindful changing of nappy"!?  Mindfulness in everything, that's the goal, or at least the journey.  

Mindfully conducting each task.  Taking deep, nourishing breaths. Trying to not think about all of the other things you need to do, but  trying to be present and enjoy the moment as it is right now.  This is not always easy to do for sure.  As a practice it is so worthwhile and I know for certain that makes for a more pleasurable day and a more calm and present Mummy.  I try to practice all the time.  Listening to my girls' stories from school, playing with my baby, taking a moment to be still and savour the beauty of a curl on my daughter's neck, a bird in the garden, that first cup of mint tea this morning.  This is mindfulness in the everyday and it tastes good.  

Rockpools and reverence

"If we perceived Life with reverence... we would stand in awe at the experience of physical life and walk the Earth in a very deep sense of gratitude."
('The Seat of the Soul', Gary Zukav.)

The most beautiful August morning.  Already warm, the dome of a clear blue sky above us, white cliffs behind us and sand, pebbles and rockpools all around.  She grabbed her bucket and ran to the shore.  So eager to explore those rockpools, in search of treasure.  We found some too, a starfish, which she handled and gazed at for the longest time.  

She has 'reverence' for Life in abundance.  It comes so naturally to her.  It is quite something to witness.  She stood 'in awe at the experience of physical life'.  I don't know if she yet walks the Earth 'in a very deep sense of gratitude', I hope she will one day.  I know that I sat there on that beach and watched her, utterly content, and immersed in the natural surroundings.  I watched her pick up pebbles, swirl the water in a rockpool looking for creatures, she was so alive and present.  

I try to walk the Earth in a very deep sense of gratitude.  For mornings like this one, for this daughter of mine, for all of my many blessings.  For a few quiet moments on a beach, with the sun on my face and a few deep breaths, observing this child.  Sometimes the experiences of this physical life are just so beautiful, if I take the time to be still and witness them.  

Try again tomorrow

"You are not expected to be perfect in the sense that you never feel overwhelmed, frustrated or irritated, but... living a conscious life means dedicating yourself to growing in wisdom, peace, harmony and love... to raise the level of well-being for you and your family."  (Deepak Chopra, 'Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives'.)

She had set herself the impossible task of wanting to be the perfect, or at least, a very good mother.  Unsurprisingly, she was doomed to failure.  Each day she would make many mistakes and fail to live up to her own very high standards.  Each day she would end that day berating herself for they way she lost her patience with her children today (many times), for the way she lost her sense of humour when the children were being silly and having fun, for the way she failed to feel gratitude for the great blessings she had.  She was her own worst critic.  She needed comfort, solace and understanding.  She needed some words of inspiration and encouragement so that she could try again tomorrow, and keep trying again and again, to be the gentle, loving, mother figure that she truly felt herself to be in her heart.  She would have to dig deep, be still and look to herself to find those words of encouragement and understanding.  As she was quiet, the words came to her, "just try again tomorrow."

She would try again tomorrow to love her three small, divine creatures.  To treat them with respect, gentleness and compassion.  To listen to them intently.  To speak to them softly.  To go about her business with their best interests in mind.  They deserved nothing less.  She would try again tomorrow, wake up, kiss them, make them breakfast, settle their disputes, answer their questions, tell them 'gently' what they had to do next.  She would try again tomorrow and she would forgive herself for today's shortcomings.  She would try again tomorrow with the best of intentions, with all of that love brimming over in her heart, to be the person she really was - and she was getting closer every day because she kept trying and learning and reflecting.  If she tried again tomorrow, that's all she could ask of herself, don't give up, even though you're tired, keep on trying, it is such important work that you do.  She will try again tomorrow, she will learn from the mistakes she makes and she will also acknowledge the things she gets right; the patience she had, the time she gave, the love she showed.

Oh, the irony...

Oh, the irony.  It was after lunch, the house was empty except for me and my littlest one.  "Great, time for Isla to have a nap," I thought, "and I can do some writing for a little while."  My daughter had other ideas, why go to sleep when there is so much to explore and so much fun to be had?  She refused to go to sleep and I felt very frustrated.  I just wanted a little bit of time to write, a little respite from domesticity. I wanted to come here to this spot and write about the things I like to write about; being present with my children, practicing mindfulness and patience, looking for the truth and beauty in the everyday.  Why wouldn't she just go to sleep so I could write about all those things?!  Ha ha ha, I had to laugh at myself.

I've said it before, I don't need to travel to India (though I would very much like to), these little ones of mine are my gurus.  If I'm open to it they have so much to teach me.  "Why do you need to go and write Mummy?  Can't you just be with me here, now, in this moment?  I'm not ready to go to sleep, I just want to be with you."  So here she sits now, emptying the drawers in  my bedroom while I write and chuckle to myself.  I love to write, I feel compelled to write.  I also love my children more.  Time to sign off and go play....I'm still chuckling at the irony though.

Be present

"Being present builds a child's confidence because it lets the child know that she is worth thinking about."   Stephen Grosz, 'The Examined Life'.

In my pursuit of trying to provide a nurturing childhood for my three girls this is the big one.  Being present with them.  I have so many other ideas of practical ways in which we can provide such a childhood for our children but ultimately it comes down to this.  I want my children to know and feel deeply that I have time for them, I want to be present with them and I'm practicing all the time even though it might not seem like it when I lose my patience with them and speak more harshly to them than I should.  I keep trying, keep practicing, slowly I'm getting better at it.  I listen to what they say, repeat what they said to acknowledge that I hear them, I might even say "I'm listening" and gain their eye contact. My goodness it can be so hard though.  Often one of my daughters wants to speak to me while I'm on the phone or have a task I want to finish before the baby wakes up.  They have to practice patience too.

Sometimes the best time for me to be present with my girls is at night.  They're ready for bed, I've finished with my tasks for the day, the channels of communication are open.  I make myself available to them as I sit in their room while they finish clearing up, choosing stories for bedtime.  During the day there might not have been much presence on my behalf but there is still time before they go to sleep for some quiet time together.  In this time I may just stroke their hair and have a cuddle, they may have an issue from their day at school they wish to discuss with me, we may make plans for tomorrow.  

Be present, look in to their eyes, listen, hold their hand, be patient, take a breath; this is the essence of trying to provide a nurturing childhood and if I didn't do it very well today I will certainly try again tomorrow.